Mario is a drug addict, a murderer, and a cannibal. It is true! Here is a funny article for a good laugh that looks at a few of the traits from the Super Mario Brothers franchise and it analyzes it with a sick twist. Who knew wholesome Mario was really Jack Thompson's greatest enemy and not Rockstar?

From the article:

1. Where do mushroom powerups come from?

Consider the following. The Mushroom Kingdom is so named because the majority of its denizens have very mushroom-shaped heads. Toad, and his hundreds of identical brothers who consistently manage to get kidnapped in Bowser's castles, have heads that are essentially mushrooms with eyes.

But what about the mushroom powerups that Mario consumes in order to get bigger, or gain an extra life? What do THEY look like? Well, mushrooms. But where do these mushrooms come from? Even after jumping through more than half a dozen worlds in the mushroom kingdom, have you seen a SINGLE mushroom FIELD? One can then only conclude that these powerup mushrooms are not created naturally, but are in fact artificially made (and then evidently put into large question-marked boxes).

What conclusion can we draw from these facts? Simple.

MARIO IS EATING THE DECAPITATED HEADS OF THE MUSHROOM PEOPLE.

Read the full article over at destructoid.com